Another Day at the Coffee Table

So I was sitting on the couch and said "Pick up your dishes." Repsonse, "Yes they really need a good soak."

Me, "Well maybe we can settle this and make out instead."

Response,"Time will pass regardless of whether we do that or not. Let's not."

Me, "Oh common sugar face, I'm board and there's nothing but dishes. Plus I need to break-in my new and very old dress."

Response, "Maybe just a glass of milk, then?"

Me, "I don't want to compromise on that... Rum and coke, hold the coke."

Re, " Hmm. tempting but toss in something less pathetic. And work on the new routine?"

Me, "Don't push it sticky bun."

Re, "That sounds good but it needs more health appeal."

Me, "Fine. Rum, with coke and I'll have a stick of celery afterwards."

Re, "Do you need a cigarette?"

Me, "Yes mam! Go fetch me some."

Re, "..."

Me, "Common get off your bottom."

Re, "...?#*@!"

Me, "Oh right sorry..."

Response, "Quit talkin' to yerself."

New Year New

Oh Happy New Years my lovelies. Yes yes. Give me some time to upload some holiday cheers and spirits. Right now I'm back and forth fighting for my original act and not letting my manager make me change it.

I am no cupcake. My act will catch on I swear it! Soon the theatre will be booming.

Make-up

Noticed I missed a month did ya? Well here's some oral entertainment to say I'm sorry; okee??

Ya da da da yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa da ya da da -dda da!!!

Calm Down

Oops... really didn't mean to squish the bitch. Her fault for standing where she shouldn't be. But seriously. So I may owe her family a little money? How much she worth anyways? Ninety nine cents? Maybe a quart a spoiled milk?

Goodness once there was a sale on choco choco milk at the corner store. Ninety nine cents each. Underneath there was a sign "Limit of Six."

So I just went back seven more times. What? Like that slut evaa limited herself to six. Maybe two at once! Maybe one was someone else's quart ya never know.

Bitch. I don't regret it. Sides I was in a hurry I needed my nightly smoke. Odd thing though; when I swung that door open and saw the aweful red painting I made of her on the showing window, my first thought was not to run. Instead the first thing in my head was fresh tobacco for my pipe.

Done.

Must get home to my Cream Puff, NOW.

Be Careful Bitch- Part Two

Between Doors

On my way out of the theatre now. There are so many rats I should invite them all for tea, gin, and cigars at the theatre. It's small and dank but you must understand my dears: the stage is my nest- I lay eggs on it and regurgatate worms to my babies, letting them grow into eye groggling men and women.

Not too certain if I should listen to my stage manager and change my act, however. This bird has no need for fake feathers. Only my own are what is needed to shake.

Must be on my way before it's too dark.

But first, a story, and more praise for my crumbley apartment. I love it like I love a hot pink panther. My top worst cat I named Cream Puff. The first time I saw her she was sitting damp on the pavement outside of the Hermitage in St. Petersburg. She was wearing a small, thin copper crown on her head and had a Camomile flower clinging to her tie string collar.

I spoke to her, "Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty!"

She replied, "Da?"

I starred at her cream and yellow butter fur. I picked her up and instantly she bit hard onto my nose. I could not leave her, so I took her back to my apartment. Cream Puff and I get along very well. Our living arrangement is that she doesn't eat my stage make-up, and I stay away from her gourmet kitty treats.

Well it's pretty hard to get the stale end of the deal when you're dealing with a kitty. Anyways...

While in Russia, I was visiting the Ballet for inspiration. The Hermitage was just a detour from my cat snatching... no no I joke, it was fabulous.

Right, so that is where I met my first love. My first indifferent love. My love: chain smoker, collector of pointe shoes, and old woolen socks. She was the Prima Ballerina of the company. Her favourite colours were deep purple and old yellow golds. I will post a photo of her soon as I can.

Dasha Piotr Vladimirovich.

I miss her so. She made one hell of a delectable eclair. She always made it with hot pink icing.

Be Careful Bitch- Part One